I have a special message for Jeff on our 12th wedding anniversary (sneaky sneaky)!
Well, technically not “on” since our anniversary isn’t for 3 more days, but I wanted to get this up and out on the normal podcast day so Jeff didn’t get suspicious. He’s very hard to keep secrets from. LOL!
Happy 12 years! We did it! 12 years seems like so long but not that long all at once.
The fact that I got this podcast recorded, edited, uploaded and you are actually reading/listening to it, all without Jeff’s help… is a CHRISTMAS MIRACLE.
Can I get an amen?
With our anniversary coming up on November 26th, what better way than to share 12 things Jeff has taught me in our 12 year of marriage… and trust me he has taught me way more than just 12. It was hard to pick just a dozen.
When we first got married, besides the fact that it was in Vegas, we were babies. We’ve grown up a lot together over the past 12 years and have learned so much.
So grab a few tissues because I’m going to let some tears flow in this episode (it’s somewhat embarrassing for a girl who hates to cry in public)!
And then, all the little Rose’s are going to keep it REAL sharing their perspectives of what marriage is. #hilarious
Just to give you a preview…
Q: What is marriage?
A: “It’s where you kiss and Daddy spanks your booty.” – Parker
Yea, choke that one down. Ha!
I know this is a PG marriage podcast, but I think the boys may have taken it a step too far with their commentary on our relationship. You’ll have to listen to find out.
So, what has Jeff taught me over the last 12 years, besides that our kids now think marriage is when you spank your wife’s booty?
Here are my top 12:
1. You don’t have to like the same things and that is ok.
Jeff LOVES sports. I used to try to pretend to be into the major league baseball games or the NFL games and I finally realized, wait, I don’t have to pretend to like sports just because he likes sports. Having separate things that we like gives us the opportunity to still be ourselves without conforming to who we think we “should” be for each other.
Love isn’t forcing yourself to become a sports fanatic when you could care less about sports. Love is buying him Cardinal play off tickets so him and his friends can go enjoy the game. And love means that occasionally you sacrifice your Sunday afternoon to sit on the couch and watch the Cowboys game with him.
I love to decorate… Jeff wouldn’t even notice if I painted the whole house purple. Marriage is being ok with that.
2. I am second.
God first. Marriage second.
I was raised an only child and while I have the best parents in the world, I was not raised in a Christian home. It’s been 12 years of Jeff showing me how everything else is second to Jesus.
3. Marriage isn’t about MY happiness.
Marriage is work, it’s commitment, it’s serving each other, it’s sacrifice. It’s joy.
But joy is VERY different than happiness.
Happiness is built on external circumstances and joy is built on truth. I feel like happiness can come and go with each disagreement, but joy is knowing that each time you disagree… it will never be big enough to destroy your marriage.
4. You can be right and still admit you are wrong.
A lot of our fights tend to happen when one of us feels like we are factually right and the other is wrong. Once that happens it is easy to stand your ground and not back down because you think you are right. But Jeff has taught me that you can be right and you can still admit you are wrong.
If we refuse to shift the blame and accept any responsibility that we can about the situation, we are admitting that we may be right but we are not perfect.
Most of the time in marriage people think they need to change their spouse. But what if we shifted that view and thought, “What things can we change about ourselves that could benefit our marriage?” God is the only one who can change your spouse, not you. So why do we focus so much on trying to change each other. The only actions and words we control… are our own. So if we own our part, we can stop the escalation of conflict and truly work on a solution.
Jeff is so so good at claiming ownership of his part in any disagreement (even if he is factually right). I love that about him.
5. Being successful in life is not about making more money, but about having more money to change the world.
Success to me growing up was how much money you made, what is your job title, etc… success seemed like this ladder you would always need to be climbing.
But flip that all around… and you’ve got what Jeff’s mindset it.
So whether it’s been for Nella’s orphanage or a variety of other incredible organizations, the more we make, the more we can give. The feeling of giving is REALLY better than getting.
6. Having faith that “everything will work out”.
In the end… everything does workout. And while it may not be the way you thought it was going to be, but in the end, it actually works out.
7. Be intentional. Not just with your marriage, but with every aspect of your life.
Whether it’s being intentional about your time, your career, the way you parent, how you treat your parents… Jeff Rose always does the normal mundane parts of life with intentionality.
He sets goals and then he accomplishes those goals. He has taught me that life truly is what we make it.
8. Don’t be afraid to fail. Be afraid to not try.
We try to have Sunday dinners together and make a weekly quote or scripture that we help our kids to memorize and learn each week.
One of the latest ones we taught our boys specifically was, “don’t be afraid to fail, be afraid not to try.”
Jeff is not afraid to fail… or if he is, he doesn’t let it stop him from at least trying.
There’s a lot of lessons I have learned from this. I’m working on taking more risk and trying things that I could totally fail on.
9. Fight for your marriage.
Jeff has taught me that you have to fight for your marriage. It’s a vow and a commitment you make when you get married, but society has tainted my view that when marriage gets hard you should run… but Jeff has taught me you don’t run, you stay and fight for your marriage.
10. Love is a choice.
There’s this misconception that you are always going to get along, have dreamy dates and everything be wonderful.
But there are days when I want to just punch him (sorry). There are days when I don’t want to love, but I choose to.
He has shown me how to choose love even when I don’t feel it.
11. Make your future bigger than your past.
Not just with marriage, but in life… looking back on the past 12 years I’ve seen how Jeff’s been able to keep growing, building and make the future bigger than the past.
12. Making traditions and rituals in your marriage is important.
I came from a family that had traditions… holiday dinners, etc… but what do traditions in marriage look like?
One thing for us is sharing and completing the 5 minute journal each day.
Creating traditions in marriage are just one way to practice intentionality.
Happy Anniversary Jeff Rose! I am blessed to be your wife and can’t wait for the next 12!
LINKS FROM THE PODCAST