It’s kinda funny that this weeks marriage topic is going to be about how to keep your marriage alive. If you know Jeff Rose at all {and I do mean at all} then you know that this is his speciality.
He is the king of romance. In fact, there are so many times when I find myself inadequate in this department compared to him.
It’s so easy to get in to a rut. In to a routine of NOT spending time as a couple. Especially in our lives, with three {soon to be four} crazy children needing our every single last bit of attention and affection.
It’s draining.
And sometimes…I just want to crawl in to bed, forget that I have a husband to tend to, and close my eyes until next week.
Don’t get me wrong. There are days that I do that. Well, not close my eyes till next week {I wish}. But I definitely neglect my relationship with my husband at times.
If there is anything that I remind myself of on a daily basis {besides reminding myself of the blessings God has given me} it’s that…
Sometimes it’s hard to remember that I wasn’t solely put on this Earth to raise my children. To love, nurture, and shower them with every ounce of my being. To wrap my arms around them and squeeze them tight.
Although all of those things are important, they mean nothing if I am neglecting my marriage and my spouse. Wouldn’t you agree?
And so from the beginning of our days as parents we vowed to one another to keep our relationship a priority. To not let the kids take over our world. And to remember that without each other, we are not the parents that we want to be.
I can remember when we first had Parker. Wow, what a game changer that is when you add a baby to the family.
Suddenly we found ourselves getting in to a routine of “tending to the baby’s every need” and neglecting any and all of our own needs.
Date nights? Non-existent.
Couch cuddles? Non-existent.
Long talks about {insert anything}? Non-existent.
Make-out sessions? Rare.
Sleep? Never.
Pretty soon we were so tired and exhausted from being parents that we had nothing left to give to each other. That’s when we decided we needed to re-evaluate our life plan.
By the way, do you have a life plan? Have you sat down with your spouse and talked about what things are important to you in life and what things you want to accomplish as a couple, as parents, as professionals?
If not, it’s a great conversation to have. You may realize how different your dreams and goals are from your spouse’s. But it’s even better to try and come up with a plan to make your life goals co-mingle.
Just because you got married and now became a parent doesn’t mean that you can no longer have an identity of your own.
And sooooo the change began.
We started making our relationship a priority. It started with a simple bed time. No, not for us. For the baby.
Instead of letting Parker stay up and snuggle on my chest until we both fell asleep…we decided that we needed to put him in his crib to sleep. That gave us at least 2-3 hours in the evening to spend time together.
It was crucial to our marriage and so important to be able to end the day on the couch together. It gave us time to just be together with no interruptions and no distractions. Adult conversation. Snuggles. And yes, even time for intimacy.
Don’t blush, y’all realize that’s how we got 3 kids to begin with, right?
Fast forward 6 years and things have changed quite a bit. We’ve added children. We have more responsibilities. More websites to run. More church activities to attend. More T-ball games.
But one thing that hasn’t changed…the priority of our marriage.
We do one date night a week. I know, that probably sounds excessive to most of you who are struggling to find time for one date night a year.
But we make it happen. We found a babysitter from our church and she comes over once a week so that Jeff and I can go to dinner together without the kids.
It’s our time. Just us. And it keeps us refreshed and connected.
Another huge thing that we love to do together…BLOG! I know, shocker. But it’s the one thing that we have in common that keeps us interested in one another’s hobby.
You see, he plays poker. Likes to hike. Camp. And do manly things.
Me? I like to shop. Decorate. And try out new recipes.
Those are VERY different things. And while I’d like to pretend that I even know how to shuffle a deck of cards…I don’t. Nor do I have any desire to climb a mountain or sleep outside on the ground in a sleeping bag.
And he could care less about how to style a kitchen using just the right blacksplash tile. Or the latest fashion trends. And I can assure you, that he definitely doesn’t get any excitement from mastering the latest pasta dish.
So blogging is “our thing”. It’s what we have that we love to do together. To talk about. To set goals about. To dream about. To brainstorm about.
It’s us.
I can’t stress how important it is to find something that you and your spouse can do together. It’s completely and 100% fine to have separate hobbies, but finding a common hobby is so important.
The title of my post could have read anything…it could have said “I’m not just a blogger, I’m not just a daughter, I’m not just a Christian, I’m not just a decorator, I’m not just a {fill in the blank}….I’M A WIFE.”
Next to Jesus, my marriage is my top priority. When my relationship with God and my husband is thriving…all other things will fall in to place.
I know I said this week I was going to talk about how Jesus has changed our marriage…but I’m saving that for next week. It’s too good not to devote an ENTIRE post to. Plan to hear about God’s amazing plan for our marriage and how He has changed my heart in so many ways.
Last weeks video was emotional for both of us, but this week we decided to make it fun.
Who’s ready to hear us talk about what we love about one another? On camera. Together. Face to face. And we might throw in a few things that drive us crazy about one another.
Thank you for joining us for the Love & Marriage series. I’m excited to be sharing my marriage journey along with Jenna, Shay, Jenn, Lindsay, and Megan. Be sure to check out their great marriage stories!
In case you missed it {week 1 & 2 of the Marriage Series}:
Week 1: We Eloped In Vegas
Week 2: Marriage Struggles: He Left & My Whole Entire World Changed
[ois skin=”Home Tour 2″]
If you have a marriage story you would like to share please feel free to link it up here.
I love this post. Jon and I were in a similar situation after baby and I just blogged about the same thing – putting marriage first even when you add a baby to the mix. It ain’t easy, but it’s worth it.
Also – I’m so jealous of your date night! I’d love to do that…added to to-do list: find reliable babysitter.
Kat´s last blog post ..Marriage and babies
Thanks Kat! I’ll go check out your post. Somehow I missed that one last week.
Can’t wait to read next weeks post on how Jesus has helped your marriage! And, you are so right about making your marriage a priority and to go on dates, snuggle on the couch, etc. Some of my favorite times with my husband is when we snuggle on the couch and talk about our day. We also text A LOT throughout the day at work and I love that, too! And, sometimes we will even slow dance with earbuds in our ears after the kids are in bed (yes, we’re dorks! haha!). Thanks for sharing!
Carrie A.´s last blog post ..My thoughts on the Boston Marathon Bombings…
Ummm, I love that you slow dance with earbuds. That may be my new favorite idea! Seriously…stellar! Thanks for sharing that!
Ahhh why do I love these posts so much?! It’s great that you two find time for each other nowadays and I’m inspired to keep this in mind when our little one arrives. And why the heck didn’t I know you were expecting a 4th LOL I’ll blame it on “pregnancy brain”. Congratulations and I look forward to next week’s Love & Marriage post.
xlovehappyx´s last blog post ..Latest Folica Order | Solia Flat Iron
Awww, thanks girl! We are adopting a 4th :)…I am not preggers. Just so you aren’t confused. LOL!
I would just like to throw out there…. That I am House of Robsessed. 😉
I love this comment…sorry for the delayed reply! This just made my day (all over again).
I love how you have date night once a week! It’s just so important, right?! And putting our kids to bed early became such a nice opportunity for us to reconnect too. Now, it’s one of my favorite parts of the day. The only thing I have left to do is get my hubby into blogging…then things would be about perfect ;).
Love that yall have a date every week! We probably get one once a month. Our church has community groups, so we have to get a babysitter for that, and then if you added weekly date nights, we’d be racking up $250+ in babysitting each month, easily. So we try to do those home dates too, but as you read in my post, I’m not as keen on those as I am in getting OUT of the house 🙂
Lindsey´s last blog post ..On Staying Connected as a Couple {Love and Marriage Series}
most beautiful post EVER!
ps. my husband does the SAME shower thing! im like WHAT ARE YOU DOING! hahahaha.
sarah goodman´s last blog post ..what my loved one says about me…
Loving your weekly date nights!!! This post was great, Mandy, and I am SO excited to read next week’s post! I can’t wait to hear how Jesus has changed your marriage!
I love that my hubby will cook, clean, do laundry, take care of the kids, and tell me to go relax. He is one of the most amazing men on the planet.
One of the things that annoys me about my hubby is when he will be talking to me, but not facing me so I cannot hear him because he talks so low. I have to tell him to stop and look at me so I can hear him.
I know one of the things that I do that annoys the hubby the about me, the fact that I will pile things up in various places around the house.
I try to be organized, but I feel like I do not really have my own space to do my own thing in. I’ve already told the hubby that in our next house along with his man cave, I will have my girl cave complete with pink paint. LOL
My hubby does this thing, where I will say something to him or ask him a question and he will lie. Its only about stupid stuff nothing important, but he knows this drives me up the wall when he does this. He thinks it is so funny when I get irked as he is doing this.
My hubby and I get a once a month date weekend. My mom gets our boys for an overnight weekend visit and we have quiet time with just each other.
We have our “couple” time when we just hang out and watch some tv show or movie a few times a week.
My hubby is getting ready to deploy soon and I am not looking forward to being a part-time single mom as I call it. But on the bright side this will be his last deployment of his career because he retires in 2015. We are both counting down. LOL
Thanks for sharing and you guys are just too cute together. 🙂
Niki @ My Life Remixing´s last blog post ..Sunday Social Link Up
Hi Mandy,
I loved what you had to say this week about prioritizing each other. Also, please tell me where did you get your SUPER cute necklace you were wearing in the video? I really like it!
Thanks for sharing and for the reminder that being a wife is just as important as being a mom (if not more). We have a 7 month old and are finding that balance if caring for him but still finding time for our own things and each other. It’s a struggle but very important that our son sees what a healthy relationship is all about. I can’t wait to hear all the things that God has done in your marraige!
Love your post. Couldn’t have said it better myself. Love the video. Wish you guys lived closer so we could all hang out! Wish I was more like you and into organizing! I love that my husband is so dedicated to providing for our family and saving our money for our future. I love how much he loves our son and he is so cute encouraging him and complimenting him. What annoys me about him? He is like Jeff in that he just stacks stuff on top of each other. If it was up to him all his clothes and papers would just be laying out every where so he could see them. We wouldn’t be able to walk but you know.
Meagan´s last blog post ..day 5 30×30
Thank you so much for a much-needed reminder! I tend to try to squeeze so many things from my to-do list into my “kid-free” time after they’re in bed that hubby often gets the shaft. I definitely need to make him more of a priority! Hope you’re having a great week, Miss Mandy!
~Abby =)
Abby @ Just a Girl and Her Blog´s last blog post ..Create Your Own Graphics in Microsoft Word
I am loving all these posts and I love y’all’s videos. Y’all are the cutest couple!! I can’t wait to hear next weeks post. We put MK to bed at 8 so we can have alone time reconnecting before we pass out on the couch. Lol. We try to have date nights at least a few times a month.
HELLOOOO!!!!! I’m enjoying your Love & Marriage posts. Helps me understand my relationship ALOT better! 🙂 I realized my marriage is NOT the only one who has issues behind the “kodak” moments. I used to think “Why other couples always happy and not me?” or “Why do I always end up in arguments,etc.?” Thanks to you, I’am able to make (toddler) steps to past my insecurities, misunderstanding and issues with my husband. 😀
P.S I enjoyed your video..
this is cool, I love this series!
kelly thompson´s last blog post ..My Fridays are like Jazz and my Saturdays like Donna Reed
Bahahaha! I love it! We thrive on a routine bedtime too. 8:00 rolls around and Littles are in bed, regardless of weekends, vacations, or summer. 😉 Jon and I need those few hours before bed!
I’m reading this a few months late! But my husband and I are coming up on our 5th anniversary and we are figuring this out now… that we need to make each other our second priority and our son our third. Thanks for opening my eyes to see that I’m not neglecting my son by making these changes! As my husband said, “once the kids are out of the house, I’m all you have, so we gotta stay connected.”
So glad you found it helpful Amanda! 🙂
What a lovely article! My husband and I don’t have kids yet however we plan to start a family next year. Unfortunately a lot of people don’t realize how important it is to put the marriage first. I remember that my mother and father always put each others first. My needs were always taken care of, but I wasn’t a needy, spoiled kid at all. I can’t thank them enough for having raised me in a balanced, happy, loving environment.