Marriage is already tough. But a military marriage is even tougher. We’ve had several readers ask for our tips when Jeff was deployed to Iraq so we thought we would share how we were able to make it work.

Even though it was almost a decade ago that Jeff was deployed, it does totally feel like we’re far removed from the military life, but we’ve been there.

We got your back when you say you haven’t seen your spouse for 11 months straight.  We got your back when you start to grow apart and then come back home and try to resume your normal lives… but it doesn’t fit together like it used to.

Reader question asked: Do you have any tips to help keep your marriage together during the time apart caused by military employment?

5 Points to Surviving the Military Marriage

1. Have expected times for communicating.  Plan out what days and even what times you and your spouse will be able to talk on the phone or FaceTime.  Commit to a dedicated speaking time.
2. Focus on the things that you can change.  And speak about those items during your dedicated speaking times, not the ones that you can’t change.  Set some goals together for what your plans are for when the deployment is over, what financially you want to do, etc.
3. Identify your spouses love languages.  Whether it’s quality time, gift giving, serving or one of the others, plan out how you can meet each other’s love language needs even when you are apart.
4. Know your boundaries.  Whether it’s going to bars or other establishments while on leave that your spouse wouldn’t be happy knowing you were hanging around at… likewise, for the spouse at home.  Communicate through the boundaries of where and who each other spends time with.
5. Dive into a couples devotional.  Find a devotional or book for each of you to be reading through then talking about it when it seems like “there’s nothing else to talk about”.

LINKS FROM THE PODCAST

The 5 Love Languages 

Jesus Calling, a devotional we recommend