So help us Lord Jesus, one day the Rose boys who currently think girls have cooties will grow up to be men, men who Lord willing will marry Godly women. And then, they’ll move out forever and we will either move to Jamaica forever celebrating we did it or lock ourselves in the closet sad they’re gone.
Whatever happens to us, we want our kids to grown up knowing a few honest and real truths about marriage. Society drowns our attentions in all that marriage is not. It’s our job as these little boys and Nella’s parents to teach them a worldview that is not fake or hopeless, but real.
1. It’s hard.
Plain and simple, the reality of marriage is not like what the movies show and you are not the only one who thinks it’s hard.
When we first got married, we were young and had no idea what unconditional love meant. We spent a good portion of our marriage living in the hamster wheel, as we like to call it. Getting up everyday and going through the motions, but not living and loving intentionally. Then came career changes, kids and greater responsibilities. And marriage got HARD.
Our life and our marriage suddenly started to take a backseat to the less important things in life. And then, marriage got harder.
Luckily, we realized that our commitment to choosing each other on a daily basis was failing and we knew, that if we didn’t begin designing our marriage how we envisioned it? That life would design a marriage for us that wouldn’t last.
The way out of the hamster wheel of marriage is to live in the rhythms of intentionality. Find what works for you, what struggles can be learned from and what lessons learned can become life habits to make your marriage more?
2. Forever means FOR-FREAKING-EVER.
No newsflash here, divorce rates and skyrocketing and the stats don’t look good for our kids and this rising generation to have a life-long marriage. It’s truly heartbreaking. Go talk with anyone over the age of 80 and they’ll tell you about the reality of marriage in their day… and it looked a whole lot more like commitment and a whole lot less like convenience. Why the terrible divorce rates? See item #1.
We fully believe marriage was made for one man and one women to be committed forever. No backing out when it’s hard, no finding replacements when you get bored and no running away from the struggles.
These days it’s rare to find a married couple passionate about working hard to make their marriage and commitment a priority. Be the minority. Find the one you can be sappy-sick-all-kinds-of-gushy-in-love with and continually alter your life, actions and beliefs to abide in your commitment.
3. Ask for help.
Whether you go running to your own parents who I’m sure when you were age 16 thought“ they know NOTHING at all” or go running to a community at your local church, get a battle-buddy to help journey this lifetime commitment with you.
There’s a whole lot of folk who have done the honeymoon is O-V-E-R phase and are still married. Seek advice. Apply the wisdom you’re given. Just because you need “marital help” doesn’t mean something is wrong with you… we think it means you’re going to succeed, a life-long marriage full of love, grace and goodness.
What are you hoping your marriage teaches your kids?