Some years are for building and some are made for tearing down. This has definitely been a year of tearing down for me.
I’m declaring 2015 the year of “letting go”.
Because y’all, do you know how many things I “hear’ and ignore? So, so many things.
I have also learned what it feels like to have someone you love murdered by violence. I’ve learned what it looks like when your family comes together like a strong force to support one another.
I’ve learned why business matters, but my people matter more.
And I’ve learned that, day by day, I am letting go of that selfish 20 year old girl inside me so that I can serve the Lord, my family and the important people in my life.
Am I perfect?
But little by little, I can see changes. Positive changes.
And that’s what we call… winning.
Because everything in a family of 4 boys… involves a competition. Ha. In case you didn’t know.
On to the recap of letting go.
For those of you who didn’t follow House of Rose during that time, it was a subscription box services for moms… basically, a surprise care package delivered to your doorstep each month.
It was good. No, not just good – fantastic.
It was thriving. It was encouragement to other moms. It was amazing. It was profitable.
But it was exhausting. So exhausting that I had started to become an unhappy mommy.
After a ton of prayer (and nudges from God), we finally decided to stop Happy Mommy Box and redirect our focus on our calling of “Mother”.
It was so hard for me. On one hand, I was so relieved to be done. But, on the other hand, it was a huge part of the good work that I was doing online and for others. I kept thinking that if it was “good” then it meant I should keep doing it.
For months I remained torn. But I can confidently say… 110% it was the right choice.
Good work doesn’t always equal right timing and for this time in my life, the time was not right.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s still been hard to “let go” of that piece of my work. It defined me for a few years and once it was over… I was left wondering, “What is my purpose Lord?”
Sometimes God doesn’t always reveal our purpose in our time.
Let me rephrase that.
He has very clearly revealed that His purpose for me during this time of my life is exactly what I was doing before all this Happy Mommy Box stuff… being present for my children and husband.
Letting go of Happy Mommy Box also meant that I had to let go of the idea of doing something “big” with my platform right now. I’ve been working so hard on this blog thing for so long and it’s hard to hear God say, “slow down child”. Especially from a Type A person like me.
But I’m resting in the peace of knowing that “slow down child” doesn’t mean I will never do something more. It just means, that right now, I will be a wife and mother and anything above and beyond that… will have to wait.
So, I have finally come to terms with my 2016 GOAL (yes, I said goal – because I have one main goal).
TO BE PRESENT FOR MY HUSBAND AND CHILDREN.
That doesn’t mean I will stop writing here, this is always been an outlet for me and something I enjoy.
But it does mean, that I don’t have any big projects planned or concocted for 2016 when it comes to the online world. And that is ok with me.
My husband and I will still continue our podcast and marriage content and I will still be blowing up Instagram with things that 4 year olds say.
But, nothing more. Nothing bigger. And I am ok with that. Because right now, my calling is “mother” and I don’t want to screw that up.
So friends, what are your goals for this next year?
Maybe you are at a time in your life for building… and that is ok! One day I will be back to building.
Or maybe you are feeling like me and will be taking the year to slow down.
If you love to listen to podcasts, you can hear more about my goals and motherhood on The Happy Hour interview I did with Jamie Ivey.
I even talked about our Vegas marriage and the latest news on our adoption.